Overcome by grief after loss by a simple song
Having a particularly griefy day today.
I Had a friend in the US share five songs that were breakup songs but that we now listen to differently after baby loss. One of those songs was ‘The Dance’ by Garth Brooks. Now anyone who knows me knows I am huge country fan, love Garth. It is a beautiful song. So I put his playlist on driving home this morning from dropping my kids off at daycare.
Just to put some more perspective on it, I’ve had a particularly hard month or more of illness with the kids and myself being all sorts of sick and very little sleep last night. I have severe Health Anxiety for my kids, so I can spiral quickly if they are not well in any way, shape or form. I am already tired, emotional, exhausted, covered in vomit and snot. (also they are ok today, but that has been the general feel for weeks) So it didn’t take much to tip over the edge into a grief-stricken day.
I was listening to the song and I found myself having a very visceral reaction to it, incredibly sad and balling my eyes out. I drove home and sat in my car, in my garage and I cried and cried - this song reminds me of such a good time in my life when I was going to B&Ss, travelling the world, had so many friends and such a good time every weekend. It was like I heard the words in my heart for the first time regarding my life since then and they rang so true that it made me sob.
What happened to that girl? Why did she have to go through THIS particular dance?
Also, our time with Edward was so fleeting that it seems to perfectly describe our time with him. 12 hours to dance with him, both before and after he passed away, from the time he was born to the time we left the hospital without him.
See if it resonates with you. I (unfortunately) have a few friends that are young widows and I know this would strike a chord with them too
The Dance (Garth Brooks) (Listen Here)
Looking back
On the memory of
The dance we shared
'Neath the stars above
For a moment
All the world was right
But how could I have known
That you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you
I held everything
For a moment
Wasn't I the king?
If I'd only known
How the king would fall
Hey, who's to say
You know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
It's my life, it's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the (dance)
Because honestly, 20-year-old Rochelle would never had, in a million years, thought - (as she was most likely sitting in the pub and having fun with her mates, humming to this song in the background) - that in 20 years time should be sitting in a car crying to it, in pain, because her baby boy had died.
I think I was also crying because I miss not having a care in the world. I miss 20-year-old Rochelle who loved life and everyone in it. She didn't have trust issues, she was not depressed or sad. She was FUN & full of energy and passion and life. She had fun. The world was her oyster and had not yet shit on her.
Garth songs are incredibly emotive anyway for me, I would sing them at the top of my lungs - you know I actually would want to go get 2 pina-coladas, 1 for each hand! I could feel the thunder rolls to the core when the storms would roll in out west where I grew up, We shall be free rang true then and still does now (especially when he sang it with the muppets) His lyrics and music are incredible…. And now I’ll never listen to this song in the way I did back then again.
Songs that are now forever changed, but still forever striking a chord.
Our lives ARE left to chance and on reflection how much we have changed when we have loved and lost so deeply through no fault of our own.
Do you feel like you are a different person to who you were before loss (the dance) ?
Yeah, me too.
You are not alone beautiful soul xx
